I cannot think of a more imaginative title so thisll have to do~

Well~

i have just been reading one of my friend's blogs and was once again prodded that honesty is not not-lying, but is actually being open about things. I struggle with this. People who know me will tell you i am difficult to get to know, and tbh probs dont know me as well as they thought they did. I realised this a while back and it kinda freaked me out. The worst feeling in the world is loneliness, and it is scary to think that through dishonesty (despite not lying, lying being one of the things i hate and cant do), i have made myself vulnerable to being lonely, by not opening myself up and being vulnerable with people. I am wincing even as i write this at the reaction of my family, my boss, and all other people who possibly have a shred of authority or hold me in some sort of esteem or claim to know me. Vulnerability is a tough thing~

Despite this i have realised that true relationship is one where you are open to let people to hurt you, and realise that actually they dont want to at all, but they want to lift you up and love you. They cant do that very well if you dont let them know who theyre trying to do it to~

Well, enough of all that mushy outpouring of the heart. Bye bye poetry brain, back to my scientific brain. I am trying to do my theology project. I lie. I should be doing my theology project. Atm its all ideas and i dont know how to stick it on paper. Being a perfectionist i feel i havent done enough research yet and am still reading half the library that Nige gave me when i asked for books on Salvation. Big topic. I think ive bitten off more than i can chew again.

Bah.

Ah well, enough procrastination, even if self discovery is an honourable pursuit - i have my whole life to do that. For my theoloy project i have till monday.

%*^&.