Hardrive discoveries

I found this on my hard drive the other day, i think i either didnt get round to posting it, or i didnt post it coz it was too mushy. I shall post it now. Please excuse the florid language. I wrote it just before the easter holidays i think :)

As i am two terms through my year at XLP it is time to take stock of all that has happened and how i have changed. I have come so far, and it feels like it is almost over. People are starting to look ahead to next year, and i know next term will be over before we know it.

I came to london a naive young girl with a stone splinter in my heart. God has grown me from a seedling into a young tree. He has made my heart beat and bleed, but from the bottom of it i can truly say He Is Good. Love is being vulnerable. He taught me how to love. I love London more than anywhere - almost more than iceland. For what it stands for, it is more monumental than Iceland was. In Iceland i was accepted. Here i am loved.

I will miss them beyond what i have ever experienced. They are the first people i have truly loved (or at least realised i loved), except reloaded. At FHCC i have community, i have family.

I will miss my wolf pack, but i know full well i may lose touch once i move on. Thats ok, we are all travelling in different directions. Its better to have known them and shared fun times, than not to have known them at all for fear of parting.

the times i have shared with them are special. Little asked for, much given, no expectations. We can sit and watch the city and love it, or bat around jokes and games around a table with drinks. Times spent talking at that kitchen table i will always cherish.
you guys had better write to me, or at least email. I love yall~

I love watching london at night, from the top of Hilly Fields or Greenwich park, with the night time city spread like a jewel at my feet - it sighs its peaceful bustle onto the wind, and the sirens become marks of life rather than brief moments of panic like they are in the day time.

I shall miss london. I shall miss its trees, its random smash of buildings, the big red buses and the colours of the people. The random objects you can find in skips ( i have a noticeboard and a few CDs courtesy of skips), the boom of passing aeroplanes that wheel like birds over my little patch of london. Lewisham love eh.

It goes deeper than just my team mates. I love the very concrete. All the cracks and all the speed humps, the tin cans in the waterways and the scraggy little trees that cling to rooftops - theres so much life!

I am bewitched by the sparkle of raindrops that fall golden into streetlit puddles, the golden carnival that happens in the road when it rains at night, and the fresh fresh smell that breifly knocks the pollution out of the air.

thats one thing i wont miss about london. The air is freaking awful.

This has been the best thing i have ever done in my life. The challenge and the change of scenery has been very healing. I feel stronger, healthier, more aware of my self and my limitations, but more aware that i can push myself if i want. the message has been "Go For It My Daughter, The World Is Yours If Youll Take It." Daddy, i cannot say i will not let you down, but i can try, and i hope youll appreciate that much. Please help me as i try. I know i need a whole lotta grace, but i know you have a whole lotta grace to give.

I have never tasted God like i have this year.It hasnt been a monumental event like Soul Survivor, but more of a day to day reality -i have learned more about his patience, his grace, and his love, and how steady it is. He has invaded my life and taught me more of what to value, and that life is all about people and relationships. Being holed up in my room with all the knowledge of the world and nice furniture may be safe and comfortable, but it wont make me happy. Going to parties even when i dont feel like it, meeting with people, hearing their stories and sharing yours when it helps others, loving them beyond yourself, that is happiness. To give your time and thoughts to others and to think less about self.
Love is a waterfall.